What did the momma buffalo say to her son as he left for his first day of school?

Bison.

 

What kind of underwear do lawyers wear?

Briefs.

 

What do you call hair on a cow’s chin?

A moos-stache.

 

Two angry row boats finally came to an agreement. It was an oar-deal.

 

We were going to take our cleaning staff on a space trip but we ended up scrubbing the mission.

 

What did the beach say when the tide came in?

Long time, no sea.

 

I adopted a dog from a blacksmith. When we got home he made a bolt for the door.

 

It costs an arm and arm and a leg to swim with sharks.

 

Why did the toilet turn red?

He was a bit flushed.

 

Why are people so tired on April 1st?

They just finished a 31 day March.

 

Why did the rabbit go to the salon?

He was having a bad hare day.

 

Where do birds work?

At the branch office.

 

Why did the man take his watch to the bank?

He was hoping to save time.

 

Where do penguins go to vote?

The South Poll.

 

What’s the best way to make a bandstand?

Take away their chairs.

 

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

They woke him up.

 

I told my mom a chemistry joke but it got no reaction.

 

Why did the computer go to bed?

It was time to crash.

 

My dentist is so good, every year I give him a little plaque.

.

What causes dry skin?

A towel.

 

I was looking to buy some camouflage clothing but I couldn’t find any.

 

How do you know if a comedian passes gas?

Something smells funny.

 

I got a book about glue from the library. I couldn’t put it down.

 

What bugs can tell time”

Clock roaches.

 

I tried to be friends with a tree but it seemed shady.

 

What do attorneys wear to work?

Law suits.

 

What do you call a broken can opener?

A can’t opener.

 

You think pigs bathe in the mud but that’s hogwash.

 

What is a zebra?

Definitely bigger than an A.

 

Did you hear about the rich bossy dude at the pub?

He ordered everyone a round.

 

I bought a broken guitar the other day. It came with no strings attached.

 

Last night I was going to take a taxi, but I was afraid I’d get in trouble.

 

My wife collects magazines. She has issues.

 

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. And summer was pretty good too.

 

What is a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.

 

What did the rain say to the dirt?

Your name is mud.

 

How do coaches get their quarterback?

I Buy something with a dollar that costs 75 cents.

 

How do you get into a monastery?

With a monk key.

 

Where did medieval people go to party?

Knight clubs.

 

What year was the War of 1812?

 

Why do people carry wallets?

Wall, it depends.

 

What is the difference between a backpacker and a pair of Nikes?

One’s sports gear and one sports gear.

 

What did the shovel say to the dirt?

I dig you.

 

What do cows watch on TV?

Moovies.

 

What is it called when a horse edits pictures in its gallery?

Horse Crop.

 

Do songbirds get mad at hummingbirds for not knowing the words?

 

What would we have if everyone in the country had a red car?

A red carnation.

 

What is the favorite river of women born in the 1960’s?

The Mrs. Hippie River.

 

Why did the optometrist get fired?

He fell into the lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself.

 

How do bees get to class on time?

They take the school buzz.